Money Can’t Buy Happiness, But it Can Buy a Van! - and a potential divorce
I think about retirement a lot. Like really a lot. Not because I don’t like my job; I love my job. I have made an entire career over thinking about retirement and how to plan for it.
The concept of “Retirement” itself is still a new element to the human lifespan. Before “Retirement” was created, we simply just worked until we died. Sounds terrible, right? While I think we all would agree that retirement is a good thing, we now have so much more to think about before/around/during those years. We try to find that purpose in life, the goals we are trying to achieve, and the lifestyle we want to live. Not only for ourselves, but with our significant others as well.
The graphic below shows all the different elements we would discuss in a retirement planning meeting. I’ll ask you exploratory questions that you may have not considered yet. And a here’s a big one…if partnered, are you and your “person” in agreement about the answers?
Let me tell you a story from my own life that illustrates the importance of considering more than just your own goals and communicating along the way.
In the summer of 2018. Kate and I were on our annual family vacation to the beautiful Door County, Wisconsin. On one of our days, I saw someone driving an Airstream Touring Coach. If you are not familiar with these vehicles, they are a luxury recreation vehicle (RV) that offer the convenient driving like a van AND has the living quarters of an RV.
I fell in love with it!
That night as we were sitting outside of our hotel room reflecting on our day as we typically do on this vacation. I was in a good mood fueled by some vacation euphoria and a sampling of some of Door County Distillery's finest whiskey, I excitedly shared my vision with Kate, who was eight months pregnant with our second daughter.
I told Kate how one day I wanted to own a Touring Van and drive around the country. This, I said to Kate, was something I was going to build into our retirement plan. (Please note: At the time of this conversation the cost of one of these vans was worth more than our first house!).
What an amazing goal, right?
Well, what happened next was probably one of the worst arguments (or at least Top 5) Kate and I ever had. Kate was blindsided by this idea and completely opposed to spending all the money and time on a Touring Van. This was not her idea of how she wanted to spend her golden years in retirement. I was crushed! How could she not be supportive of MY dreams?
KATE HERE:
I just read Eric’s section and it’s so witty. But I can only think of one thing when I recalled this situation …I was wildly angry! Imagine the rage of a woman who is 8 months pregnant learning her husband expects her to spend retirement in an RV rather than her dream of traveling internationally.
Now I can laugh about this story, but – at the time – it was really jarring. I had always felt that Eric and I were aligned. He knew my disdain for road trips! It seems dramatic now, but I was 8 months pregnant wondering if I was fundamentally mismatched with my husband.
Yes, this was one of the few times in our marriage Kate and I were not aligned (just wait until you hear the story about the Tree! 😊). Kate’s road rage was warranted. It was selfish of me to just put MY goals into OUR retirement plan. To be fair, we never really had any type of conversation like this before. We never discussed how we wanted to live out our post-work, post-raising children lifestyle.
Our argument wasn't just about the Airstream. It highlighted a crucial mistake: I hadn't included Kate in the conversation. Kate's dream of retirement included a lot more international travel. She had once spent a semester in college studying abroad in Paris and dreams of when she can go back and/or explore other countries. So of course, she doesn't want to spend her time staring at the road in a roaming retirement home. No matter how luxurious it was.
Here we were, with individual goals but no shared plan to achieve them together. I was unaware, or at least ignorant of Kate’s dream. I had a goal in my mind, she had a goal in her mind. We never put a plan in place to make sure both of us could live out our dreams.
Today, nearly six years later, we still talk about that argument. Not to rehash the fight about what our future beholds. But more of a reminder of how we need to communicate our dreams which can be ever evolving.
Our goals haven’t changed. I still want to visit all the National Parks. Kate still wants to explore abroad. We don’t know the details, but we do know this is a journey we are going to accomplish TOGETHER. We now have had conversations about what we want to do in retirement, how much money we’ll need, and how we save to get there.
I am forever grateful we had that argument. We learned a lot about each other and more importantly learned a smarter way to communicate about the pathway forward. You may have seen that I provide financial coaching to couples. These are the discussions I can facilitate with you. The worst outcome that could have happened here would have been sweeping this conflict under the rug with the thought, “that’s so far away…who cares.”
If you take one thing away from this story (besides that a financial planner can assist you in these areas) is asking yourself… “have I asked my life partner what they want life to be like in 10, 20, 30+ years.”
Financial planning isn't just about the outcome (financial security and checking of bucket list items); it's about the process (communication and shared vision) that leads to a fulfilling journey together.